Enjoy your meal — that's an order!

Saturday, 13 September 1997

The Chief of the SA National Defence Force, General Georg Meiring, SSAS, SD, SM, MMM, cordially invites you to a Formal Guest Evening at Paratus Club, SA Army College, Voortrekkerhoogte

Observers could be forgiven for reporting that a squadron of giant penguins was converging on Pretoria. The Defence Force is somewhat more explicit than Durban's Royal Hotel with their dress code, and black tie had been specified for civilians.

The formal dinner dates back to the middle of the 18th century when officers got together on the eve of battle to enjoy what might be their last meal.

After the meal, the tables were cleared, battle plans were laid out, and strategies were discussed. Before adjourning, a toast was made to the commander-in-chief (usually the king or emperor).

This practice was gradually ritualised and became part of European military tradition. Over the years, other practices were added. After dinner, war trophies would be placed on the tables instead of battle plans.

The 17th Lancers (known as the "Death or Glory Boys"), who took part in the ill-fated Charge of the Light Brigade and later the Anglo-Boer War, would throw their glasses into the fireplace after the toast.

German cavalry officers would ride around the table on their chairs.

The New South Africa has its own twists on the formal dinner. Select civilians are now invited to join. There was a woman present. (Yes, one woman -- give them a break, they're trying.)

The officers carried over from the old SADF wore military dress with their medals and decorations. Officers carried over from MK wore dinner jackets.

But even the new SANDF has explicit rules of conduct for the formal dinner. Here they are:

19:00-19:30 Guests will receive name tags on arrival. A cash bar will be available for drinks. Seating plans will be available for perusal. Smoking is allowed in the bar lounge. The Vice-Mess President will announce the last round at 19:20.

19:30-19:55 Guests adjourn to the ante-room. Study seating plan to ascertain your position at the table. Guests may help themselves to sherry. No smoking is allowed in the ante-room. No other drinks are allowed in the ante-room.

20:00 Guests move through to the dining room. Take up your position behind your chair according to the seating plan and remain standing.

Should problems arise, the table hosts will be available to assist. The mess president will sit down. All those present may then take up their chairs.

During the meal, nobody may leave the dining room. Should you encounter a problem during the meal, draw the attention of the appointed table hosts. They will deliver your message to the mess president for action and report back to you if any action is to be taken. As soon as the mess president starts to eat, all those present may follow suit. This applies to all dishes. Nobody is permitted to smoke during the meal.

One official toast is proposed after the meal has been completed and the cutlery etc has been removed. Decanters of port wine are placed on the table by the stewards.

Fill your glass using your right hand, take the decanter with the left hand and place it on the right hand side of the person to your left. The decanter is never passed to the right, nor across the table. If you do not use alcohol, request the steward to fill your glass with water for use during the official toast.

The mess president will call your attention and request you to stand. The following words will be said: "Ladies and Gentlemen -- the President."

Your reply is "The President", should you wish to repeat the words. No other words or additions are permitted.

ENJOY THE EVENING

Never argue with the military.