This has been a strange year
THE world land speed record was shattered not so long ago. Perhaps this explains why 1997 screamed past before I noticed.
January: Algerian terror troops masquerading under the banner of Islam took one of the more gruesome lessons of their French former masters to heart as Madame la Guillotine was born again.
A portable decapitator travelled the city in the back of an unmarked truck, obscured by a tarpaulin. Parents were hauled out of their homes and beheaded in front of their children.
February: The Constitutional Court spoke in support of fathers' rights when it ruled in favour of unmarried father Lawrie Fraser. Excellent!
March: Laurent Kabila seized Zaire. Is this the beginning of the end of French meddling in Africa? Mais non!
April: A contraceptive experiment in the Kruger National Park went awry as female elephants were left permanently in heat. Rumour has it that park rangers adopted a new slogan since: "Getting things done around here is like mating elephants..."
May: Breweries boss Meyer Kahn was appointed Police CEO, and Gauteng premier Tokyo Sexwale announced his withdrawal from politics. Pity. Gauteng is probably the best run of our provinces.
June: Sowetan youth Azikiwe Kambule's campaign to reduce his sentence after being convicted of car-hijacking in the US fizzled out when Thabo Mbeki refused to intercede.
In the excitement around this case, hardly anyone noticed Mbeki's team present the Open Democracy Bill to cabinet where it was quietly approved. This will give any person the right to information held by government, regulate the use of information held about citizens by government or private agencies, and protect whistleblowers.
Meanwhile, the world's most successful monopoly was hit by a triple whammy. Australia's Argyle mine, which produces a third of the world's diamonds by volume, pulled out of the De Beers' controlled Central Selling Organisation. Government troops seized Unita-controlled mines in Angola. And Kabila awarded Congo mining rights to Americans.
July: Roelf Meyer decided to tie the knot with Bantu Holomisa — not a good career move. The sun finally set on the British Empire when Hong Kong reverted to Chinese rule.
August: Independent Newspapers defied a court interdict and let South Africa know what the rest of the world already knew -- that Saudi Arabia was the country negotiating a multi-billion rand arms deal.
Denel, sensibly, decided to not proceed with further action. They must have finally read the Open Democracy Bill.
Back at the Kruger Park, five lions killed four Mozambicans attempting to enter South Africa illegally. They were put down by park officials.
With a whimper rather than a bang, Frederik "FW" de Klerk resigned as leader of the National Party. Remember who replaced him? I don't either...
August 31: My father died. So did Diana. I took a straw poll of South African journalists asking for the names of any of King Goodwill Zwelithini's daughters. No winners.
There's a lot happening over the next few days. Kenya holds elections. We say goodbye to Taiwan. We welcome the People's Republic of China. The old Chinese curse, "May you live in interesting times", seems appropriate.
My fondest wishes for 1998 go to Ameen Akhalwaya who has been an inspiration to many a journalist and continues to inspire with his quiet dignity as he battles terminal cancer. Ameen, you are loved and respected.
To the rest of us, Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a warm and sunny solstice, best wishes over Ramadan, and a peaceful 1998.
P.S. Marthinus van Schalkwyk? I'm just kidding. Please do not write in.