Meyer Kahn
Dramatic changes could be in the pipeline with the appointment of Meyer Kahn as Police CEO
AS one of his first executive decisions, former South African Breweries chief Meyer Kahn is expected to announce new measures to deal with road crime.
Those caught drinking and driving will no longer be charged as in the past. Instead, drunken drivers will now accumulate points on their licences.
When sufficient points have been accumulated, drivers will be called upon to exchange these for large quantities of beer at convenient locations.
"We've based this on the success of airline frequent flyer programmes which allow regular passengers to go on a trip after sufficient points are accumulated," a spokesman said.
"However, unlike the airline programmes, our trips can be extended to friends and families," he added.
The Congress of South African Trade Unions is expected to criticise the move.
"We find it unacceptable that these benefits should be available only to the privileged minority who own cars," a spokesman said, adding that it was an indication of the failure of the government's Growth Empowerment Alcohol Redistribution programme (GEAR) that the majority of the country's workers did not own cars.
Cosatu, he noted, had already indicated it would embark on a nationwide 24-hour strike on Monday. A goal of this strike, he said, would be to ensure that the points system was extended to commuters and pedestrians as well.
Speculation is that officials at the bankrupt New Age Beverages blame plans of the new programme for the demise of Pepsi's attempts to re-enter the South African beverage market.
"This emphasis on beer is clearly not the choice of a new generation," a spokesman said. The government, he added, would do well to be reminded that the liberation drink of Cuba was rum and cola, not beer.
Dr Nkosazana Zuma's Health Ministry -- already supporters of Cuban involvement -- are believed to be in agreement.
"This historical emphasis on rum and coke is ridiculous," a spokesman said. "We encourage generic substitution wherever possible."
In a shock move, anticipation of the beer points programme appears to have triggered the retirement of Gauteng Premier Tokyo Sexwale from active politics.
"Tokyo is not a beer drinker," a spokesman said. "I think it has been made clear to him that the future of the country will be determined by beer drinkers and that he will have no place in the hierarchy."
On being informed that President-in-waiting Thabo Mbeki was not a beer drinker, the spokesman commented: "Yes, but we believe he prefers malt whiskeys which are similar in origin to malt liquor beers."
Meanwhile, as part of the campaign to re-equip the country's police stations, South African Breweries is expected to announce massive donations of surplus equipment to the South African Police Services.
When questioned about the fact that most of the equipment appeared to be in the form of refrigerators, a spokesman pointed out that this was intended to "level the playing fields".
"Criminals have access to large quantities of cold beer on demand while police have to get by on stockpiles of rooibos tea rejected by German health authorities," he said.
The fact that beverages to be stored in these fridges did not conform to German brewing purity standards was "not the point," he said.
"Look, there are lots of fish in the sea. Some of them get caught, others don't. It's the taste that matters," he added.