Harris (Steve Martin): "Don't point it at me!"
Trudi (Marilu Henner): "Sorry, I don't know gun etiquette."
— lessons in road rage from "LA Story"
A LITTLE over a century ago, the first car coughed and sputtered its way onto public roads in Germany. Somewhere along the way, the driver encountered a pedestrian who refused to move out of the way. Fists were waved and other pleasantries exchanged and everyone went about their business with teutonic efficiency, because that's the German way.
Years later, after Henry Ford introduced his assembly line and a Model T honked its horn at another Model T, and a passing psychologist smiled and realised that he was onto a Good Thing™, because that's the American way.
It's sort of like shoplifting. Ever think about it? That's just another polite word for old-fashioned theft. Similarly, take socially-unacceptable aggressive behaviour (starting with relatively mild intimidation and going all the way up to assault with a deadly weapon), wrap it in a cocoon of psychological sensitivity, and suddenly it's no longer a crime. It's a condition — road rage.
I had my first sample of road rage when I got to the US in 1986. It was on the morning talk radio show. I had just tuned in, and heard this driver saying: "You can't believe how ridiculous this is getting, John. I mean, I'm driving along at about 55 (miles per hour) and this crazy woman cuts in front of me, looking at her rear-view mirror and putting on mascara. Heck, I damn near dropped my cellphone into my cup of coffee."
Then there was my very first week in Cape Town; heading down the R24 from Claremont about to turn into the parking lot at Fruit & Veg City, and there's a frantic flashing of lights in my rear view mirror. So I turn into the parking lot, into a parking bay, and the frantic flasher screeches into the bay next to me. "I can't believe how ridiculous this is getting! Don't you know that you're supposed to signal when you turn?" Rant rant rant. Pity, she might be quite attractive if she wasn't frowning so unattractively.
"And you," said I very politely after noticing the 316i badge on her boot, "have that particularly arrogance that comes from driving a cheap BMW."
To her credit, she later cornered me next to the leeks (or was it the parsnips?) and apologised. "I'm really sorry, and I do hope you enjoy Cape Town," and she smiled, rather attractively too. But I digress...
There was this '80s kind of mentality that started with some psychologist saying it was actually a good thing to Express Yourself. If you let all of that stress build up inside you, it's going to cause damage and make you prone to heart attacks and ulcers and premature ejaculation and who knows what else. Don't suppress that rage, let it out!
And by god, they've done just that. Pull out that gun, clear the traffic out of the way, and when you go to court, get in a shrink to say: "Road rage!" With luck, you'll have a really good lawyer who will sue the Arrive Alive campaign for trauma sustained from being pulled over.
Suddenly, that's changing. Now there's a report from a team at Iowa State University that suggests that acting out your aggression is actually bad for you. Far better, suggests Dr Brad Bushman in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, to take a deep breath and think things over.
How did he figure this out? Volunteers were asked to play a computer game where they could inflict pain on a human victim. (All in the cause of research. Sigh...) Those who pummelled a punching bag before the game were more likely to be vicious than those who were asked to sit quietly comtemplating the nature of the universe.
Strewth! Here I was thinking that taking responsibilty for my actions was part of being a normal mature reasonable adult. I didn't know that a ground-breaking study was need to tell me that my not becoming a homicidal maniac is a good thing.
Coming soon: Why putting on your socks before you put on your shoes is not a bad idea...