India is not what you may think

Saturday, 27 September 1997

Stupid racists with their unicellular brains held in place by cytoplasmic strands ... Why do we tolerate them?

THE first time a white man called me "Sir" was when a traffic officer pulled me over for making an illegal U-turn on New Jersey State Highway 33.

He was politeness personified, readily accepted my explanation that I was hopelessly lost, and pointed me in the direction of Philadelphia.

In the new South Africa, us darkies still need to be sceptical when called "Sir". Here's an example:

Sir

I am writing this in anticipation of you, sometime in the future, again writing scathingly about (a) whites and (b) Christians.

Please just remember that Mother Teresa was (a) a white woman (b) a Christian. And it was she who sought to help the desperately poor and ailing people of your race who are still, in this modern age, victims of an evil caste system in the country of their birth. Apartheid?

Perhaps you should rather use your writing talent in a Calcutta newspaper to encourage your race to cut down on increasing the population to such an extent that there is not enough food to eat or place to sleep because the Indian government cannot or will not provide for them.

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But hey! isn't it much nicer to zap the South African Whites who have provided a far superior lifestyle for the South African Indians than those of their own race in the land of their ancestors?

Happy writing!

Reader

This (anonymous) letter pleased me to no end! I finally had someone to thank for my superior lifestyle. So I went looking for White South Africans who supported apartheid.

I'm still looking. This is truly strange. There appear to be no White South Africans out there who supported the National Party for all those decades.

So I decided to do some research on that Awful Place, India, and compare it with South Africa.

  • GDP: India US$1,4 trillion, South Africa US$215 billion.
  • Economic growth: India 6%, South Africa 3,3%.
  • Merchant marine: (Container ships of 1 000 GRT or more) India 310, South Africa 4.
  • Life expectancy at birth: India 59,71 years, South Africa 59,47 years.
  • Fertility rate (children born/women): India 3,2, South Africa 3,43.

Surely not! Can India's population be really growing at a slower rate than our own? This is clearly a devious plot on the part of the CIA who provided me with these figures.

Ah, India! The land that invented water-borne sewerage centuries before Europeans learned to defecate away from their caves. The land of the astronomer Arya Bhatta who charted the heavens centuries before Galileo. The land where Christ spent his formative years. The world's largest democracy. A country of Hindus that elected a Muslim president. A country run by men that elected a woman Prime Minister. A country that abandoned war in favour of learning, leaving it open to conquest by warring savages from across the seas.

The Indian community in this country built itself up with its own resources. Our ancestors built schools, my grandfather set up a printing press to document our heritage. The land under the Independent Newspapers building in Durban belonged to my family, stolen by apartheid's thieves.

And those selfsame thieves persist in the lie that they built us up, we heathen savages who breed uncontrollably.

But as Gopalkrishna Gandhi, Indian High Commissioner, said: "It's not that we breed like pigs. It's that we are no longer dying like flies."